In a moment, life can freeze. For me, this time it came in the form of a text. "I need you to please hurry home!!!!" If you have never felt the elasticity of time that comes with a message such as this, be glad. If you have, you know the feeling I describe. In that moment your heart stops, your breath catches, sound fades and then the adrenaline hits as your heart careens towards maximum throughput and your lungs stretch towards capacity, twice as fast as normal. When C received the call from Dr. L, I was luckily already near at hand, having run just around the corner for a few minutes. In all, it took less than five minutes for me to get home. However, those were five very long minutes.
Thoughts pounded through the decision tree that is my mind. "Ok brain, should I call?" No, if she could talk she would have called me instead of texting back, besides you are almost home. Yeah, one thought path complete. Next instruction set. "Ok, brain, what could be the problem?" It could be... At this, my brain reacted like a computer dumping every random bit of text on the screen at once. I processed scenarios, each one worse than the last, so quickly I only had time to feel a growing sense of doom. Now that J is mobile, you can imagine the number of things that I envisioned him getting in. As I came rushing in the house, the downstairs was silent, but I saw immediately the video baby monitor was on and J was peacefully napping in his crib, right where he was when I left. I felt silly for a moment, relief flooded through me as I realized all of those "J did this" scenarios were idle worries. Boom, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew what it had to be. As I walked into our bedroom and saw C's tear streaked face, all she said was "It's back". I'm not sure how long I sat just holding her but J awoke before I had let go.
Fast forward, now that there has been time to process, I am just so glad that we were given the miracle that is J, and that C's doctors have stayed on top of the cancer so that even now it is it's earliest stages. I'll let C talk about what is to come, and how we will cope with it, but for now I wanted to remind everyone that miracles can happen.