We often hear the phrase, "What a difference a year makes." Right now that has never been more true for me. As I am gearing up for my hysterectomy tomorrow I just can't help but think back to what I was doing this time last year. I was 27 weeks pregnant and had just breathed a sigh of relief because I knew that if J was born then he had a good chance of survival. It was a huge milestone for us and one we weren't sure we'd ever see. I finally relaxed enough to start registering and planning for my baby shower. It really wasn't until then that I could actually enjoy my pregnancy. I still can't believe that one year ago I was having a baby and tomorrow everything required to conceive and carry a child will be removed from my body. To take it a little further what a difference two years makes. Two years ago at this same time G and I were mourning the loss of yet another pregnancy and wondering if we could even continue on our infertility journey. I remember thinking to myself last year around this same time how things can change in just a short period. I went from losing a baby to a year later more than half way to having one. Seriously, in the span of two years I was losing a baby, having a baby and now losing all the parts required to make a baby. This is all so crazy to me.
I had no clue all the prep needed before having the surgery. During the talks of having a hysterectomy five years ago all that was required was making sure I had time off of work and mentally preparing for the end of my fertility. Now with J there is an entirely different dynamic in the preparation. I have had to figure out who was going to take care of him while G and I were at the hospital. I needed to make sure that we had plenty of diapers, wipes, formula, food and clean laundry to help G out while he is on solo parent and mommy watching duty. G had to work out what the schedule would be with friends and family to make sure that someone was here to help while he is working because I can't lift the baby for four weeks...FOUR WEEKS! Ahhhh, no holding my son for four weeks. We are so blessed that G's work and our friends and family have stepped up to help out. And good God nobody told me that I would basically have to evacuate any and everything that I have eaten or drank in the last 38 years of my life before having the surgery tomorrow. Good times! All that leaves now is the trying to remove the fears that are swimming in my head and reconcile that the absolute finality of our infertility story is coming to a close. I am sure that I will get all kinds of sleep tonight.
Many of you have sent personal messages, comments and emails with your thoughts, prayers as well as asking for an update after my surgery. G has agreed that he will provide a blog, Twitter and Facebook update once I am safe and sound out of surgery. On a personal note, since my surgery is being done with the Da Vinci please pray that tomorrow is not the day that the robots rise up and take over the world!!