When you are pregnant everyone has advice on what you should and shouldn't do when it comes to being a parent. Everyone has their own opinion on what it is like being a mother. People said we're not going to get any sleep for the next year. The baby is going to cry all the time. He's just going to eat and poop. G and I were overjoyed with the birth of J, our little miracle. We had tried for so long and had so many trials and losses we didn't care how "hard" it was going to be. We didn't care that we weren't going to get any sleep. We had been through so much we were looking forward to it. We knew that nothing would compare to our journey to get J...we could handle anything he threw at us.
I had told G for months, "While J's inside me I have no control over what's going on and can't do anything to protect him but once he's born and in my arms all those fears and anxieties will disappear." I was so wrong, those fears and anxieties that I had while being pregnant didn't even begin to compare to the fears I was facing once J was born. That first night in the hospital if he moved, squeaked, cried or shuttered I was by his side. I would constantly stare at him and make sure he was breathing. Every little "abnormal" thing I would ask the doctor or nurse to look at him. Their response was always, "He's a baby, that's what they do." This did little to ease my fears. I was sure that once I could hold him that I could protect him no matter what and I realized I didn't have a clue. All those warnings, stories and meaningful advice didn't remotely prepare us for what it's really like to enter into parenthood. How can something so precious that I have wanted for so long be so scary?
It has taken several weeks to get into any type of routine and I use the word routine loosely because I have learned that with a newborn they make the rules and can change them up on you at any time. I still lie awake at night listening to J breathing in his bed. I still wake up when I hear any type of "odd" noise coming from his general area. I also still worry whether he is getting enough or too much to eat, that he isn't sleeping more or he's sleeping too much and of course just worry because I am his mother and that's what I do. All of those things aside, I finally feel like I can do this and J has done everything in his powers to induct me into mommyhood. In the first 6 weeks of his life we have experienced a myriad of parental firsts. My first week as a mom J peed on me while changing a diaper. I had no clue what I was doing and like an idiot just cupped my hands over him and tried to block the pee from going everywhere while laughing hysterically and yelling for G. I have been spit up on more times than I can count and as a result have done more laundry for a person that is barely as big as a sack of potatoes than I have done for G and I over the last year. But the real induction into mommyhood came a few weeks back in the middle of the night. I was staring at the my beautiful baby while he was nursing and noticed him start to squirm a bit. I realized he needed to poop. I heard him begin to poop and felt it squirt out into his diaper. Then I realized that not only was it in his diaper it was now in my hands, on my underwear, on my sheets and all over the baby. I was literally christened as a mommy with poop. There is no doubt that you have become a parent when you are changing your sheets, bathing you and the baby, doing a load of laundry and having to redress both of you.
Being a mother has it's trials but it is the best thing that I have ever experienced and can't wait to see what else is in store for us. I will do my best to not be too neurotic for J's sake!