Over the last few months I feel as if I am living a surreal life. Even though I know that I am pregnant and I have repeatedly seen proof that there is a child growing inside me there are days that I still don't believe it. It's as if I am standing outside of my own body and watching my dreams come to fruition for someone else. Is it possible this is a figment of my imagination? Can this actually be real?
Three and a half years ago I was facing a cancer diagnosis and looking at the real possibility of having a hysterectomy. I wasn't sure that I would be able to keep my uterus let alone begin fertility treatments. I can honestly say once we started treatments my hopes weren't high that I would ever conceive and definitely not multiple times. I never thought I would get pregnant without a team of experts involved and yet here I am still in awe of this miracle inside me. How can this be true?
G and I just experienced one of the most amazing milestones during my pregnancy this past week. We had our fetal anatomy scan and got to see squirt in all of his amazing glory. I can not tell you how, well for lack of a better word, surreal it was to see all of those little body parts, organs and yes genitalia. That's right we found out squirt's gender and it is a BOY! I cried tears of joy as I actually said out loud to my husband that we are having a son. That was the first time that this began to feel REAL! To this point I could see the ultrasounds and hear the heartbeat but it hadn't quite sunk in that I was actually growing a life inside me. G and I have always called squirt "he" because I felt that "it" was so impersonal but hearing the doctor confirm it was a boy was an entirely new level of reality. Reality? Is this real?
I am almost at the half way point of my pregnancy and as strange as it may sound it is just now becoming real to me. As my belly grows and I begin to feel little flutters from squirt's movements I can't deny that this is actually happening for us. All those mothering instincts are kicking in and I have this overwhelming desire to nest and protect my son. Wow...when did reality kick in?
Though the journey to get to this point in my life has been far from easy it has made me more appreciative of this blessing and I am so excited to meet my little man in November!