For years I have been looking forward to the day that I would "graduate" from Dr. L and transition to an OB. It was a milestone that I wasn't sure I would ever get to experience. Now that the day has come I am finding it to be much more difficult than I ever expected.
When I first started seeing Dr. L I wasn't sure what infertility treatments would be like let alone just how difficult they would be. They are anxiety ridden, emotionally stressful as well as physically challenging. Going into treatments we were full of hope that this would bring us the family we had been dreaming of. Unfortunately there aren't guarantees that they will be successful. There are also no guarantees that there won't be heartache along the way. Our journey has been filled with a wide range of treatments and emotions.
In the two and a half years I have been with Dr. L he has seen me at my best and my absolute worst and he has been there through it all. He was there to celebrate every positive pregnancy test as well as comfort G and I through our losses. He has always been there to reassure and encourage us through these trials. He knows my history and he knows how my body operates. When I found out I was pregnant this time he was there every week reassuring me as we watched the baby grow. He was there to help me through those scares when we thought I was losing another baby. Now we've made it to the second trimester and it is time to move to my new OB.
How do you make that leap when you have become so close and dependent on him and his office? Dr. O doesn't know me. She doesn't have the support of Nurse J and Nurse K who have been there the last few years. The OB team doesn't know what we've been through? How do you go from a practice that you trust to the unknown? How do you handle the anxiety of the transition?
As we make the transition we are on pins and needles. Dr. L has already let Dr. O know that I'm crazy...better she know what she is getting in to before she meets me. I don't know how we are going to handle not having weekly appointments especially since I can't feel the baby yet. How will I know the baby is ok? I'm trying not to let the anxiety overwhelm me but I'm not going to lie, it's difficult. I just have to continue to trust that my little one is ok and remember that the OB doesn't have to see me as often. God help G, because he's going to need it when I go nuts in between those appointments.