Over the last several years on numerous occasions I have been told that I was brave. I was talking with a friend this week and she again used the word brave to describe me. She said that I continued to show courage and bravery while on my journey through cancer, infertility, miscarriage and now adoption. It got me thinking about what it means to be brave. The dictionary defines brave as possessing or displaying courage. Based on that definition I don’t think I would classify myself as brave. I have never jumped in front of a car to save a child crossing the street. I have never taken a bullet defending our country. I have never run into a burning building to save a family stranded inside. And I have never fought off brain eating zombies. No, I am not brave.
I don’t see my struggles as bravery. They are just part of my life and something that we have to deal with. I can’t say that we really had a choice on which path we could take to have our child and we were definitely not thrown down the easy one. Nope, in fact, we have been lost in the woods trying to find a path to the highway fending off wolves while foraging to find a way to survive this infertile hell. Yes, I have had more injections than a drug addict. Yes, I have had more uterine scans than any woman should in her lifetime. Yes, I have enough blood sucked out of my body to feed an entire pack of vampires. Yes, I have lost more pregnancies than I care to think about. Does that make me brave? I don’t think so.
So why do I continue down these paths knowing that there will be pain and heartache? Why do I allow myself to feel things that no one should? I trudge on because it is the only way for my dreams to become reality. It is out of our own personal necessity to have a child that we as infertiles continue down the rocky path. It is what we hope is at the end of our journey that keeps us going. I do believe that it takes hope, faith and great strength to stand in the storm. We just have to remember that if there were no rain then there would be no rainbows. I know that the end of my rainbow is going to be amazing!