Often there are medical reasons that cause a doctor to recommend an end to fertility treatments, forcing a couple to explore other options for growing their family. At the same time there are many couples who must wrestle with making those decisions without that medical recommendation. It doesn’t matter if you have done 4 cycles of the same treatment or 24 cycles of various treatments, when you fail to successfully bring a baby home questions begin to flood your mind. How much money are we willing to spend trying to have a biological child? How many heartbreaking failures can you and your partner endure? Are you emotionally strong enough to continue with treatments knowing that you may never have a successful pregnancy? You begin to wonder when enough is enough.
I always thought Dr. L would be my beacon when it came to saying it was time to stop. I thought he would be the one telling us it was time to explore those other options. I however, fall into the category of no medical reason to stop and no medical reason for my miscarriages. So the decision falls to me to decide; can we handle more treatments emotionally and financially or is it time to move on. This journey can be filled with tons of regret, "what ifs" and "should haves". We constantly question if we don’t do one more cycle would that have been the one that would have given us our miracle. It's very easy to "one more try" yourself to death if you are not careful. I have continued treatments far longer than I ever thought possible in an effort to avoid the regret, grief, pain and loss of not reaching that end goal of carrying a child to term.
It has been a while since our last failed cycle and G and I have been battling with the decision to continue fertility treatments or move to adoption. We have found ourselves at the crossroad of facts and emotions and it is a difficult place to be and the decision has not been made lightly! After a lot of internal struggle I realized that the choice really comes down to one question… Is being a mother more important than being pregnant? I had to ponder this question for a while and my answer is a resounding YES! My desire to be a mother far outweighs my desire to be pregnant. So as I type this, today G and I are beyond excited to announce that we are officially moving on to adoption. We are beginning the home study process and researching the best agency for us. There are so many new fears when it comes to this journey, but we continue to have faith that all our needs will be met as we take this leap!
We have not given up, but have chosen to redefine our original dreams and embrace the future with hope for that little one that is coming our way! We ask that you continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we work to bring OUR BABY home!