Tuesday, December 4, 2012

No Man Left Behind

I am sure that at some time in your life you have heard the phrase, no man left behind.  It is commonly used in the military to describe solidarity; you go into battle together and you come out together. OK, so why am I bringing this up today and how does it relate to infertility?

We as females are so heavily involved with our infertility that we tend to forget that we have a partner who is in this same battle.  It’s our bodies that are being poked and prodded.  It is our bodies that are physically changing.  It is our bodies that are having hormonal overload.  God forbid, it is our body that is not able to function correctly.  We become so self-involved that we often leave our partners out in the cold to suffer in silence.  We are constantly leaving a “man” behind.

I know that several times on this journey I have left G behind.  I have let my emotions run away and take over my every waking minute to the point that I forgot I was not alone in this fight.  I was not the only one afraid of my cancer diagnosis.  I was not the only one who was afraid before every surgery.  I was not the only one losing hope after each failed cycle.  I was not the one who couldn’t sleep at night when I did get pregnant for fear of losing another baby.  I was not the only one suffering and depressed after each miscarriage.

I can remember the look on G’s face and the hurt in his eyes when I selfishly believed I was all alone on this journey and let him know it.  I told him that he had no clue what I was going through.  It was not his body being injected with hormones and it was not his body failing so he could not possibly relate to what I was experiencing.  Yes, I was right…he could not relate to what I was feeling physically, but he more than understood what I was feeling emotionally.  I had been dismissing his feelings and forgetting all the pain and suffering he was experiencing too.  I forgot that he has many more things he has had to deal with outside of the infertility.  He has had to watch me suffer through surgery after surgery, numerous biopsies and painful miscarriages knowing that there was nothing he could do to comfort me.  His love for me is so great that he was enduring the pain of being helpless. 

So I encourage you to think about your partner and remember that you are on this journey together.  You make the decisions as a couple, you suffer as a couple and you will be victorious as a couple.  Take a moment to remember why you want children with this person and don’t ever leave a man behind!


  1. All I have to say is WOW!

  2. I absolutely love this. Your love for G is so aparent. You two have been trhough so much and I hope you have your baby very soon!

  3. Going through this myself I can understand your feelings, but this one even made me cry!

  4. Thanks for this post. It's easy to forget that our husbands are struggling too. My husband is a "roll with the punches" kind of guy and doesn't seem to be nearly as affected by...well, anything...as I am. So it's easy for me to focus on my own turmoil and anxiety and stop asking how he's doing with everything. Thanks for the reminder.


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