Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Yeah, yeah, yeah…bite me!

I have learned over the last several months, to my surprise, that I seem to have some small gift for writing.  It’s amazing to me how many words I didn’t really know that I knew, moreso that I could use them correctly.  I have been able to find the perfect way to express my feelings or sentiments through writing.  Yet today, after thinking long and hard about things and learning that once again I am not pregnant, the finesse and perfect words seem to be eluding me.  I cannot seem to get past the phrase, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…bite me!”  Classy I know, but hey that is all I got today.
The magazines are covered with pictures of Adele and Tori Spelling's new babies.  All I can muster right now is, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…bite me!” I received an email this week from a friend who I know was trying to encourage me saying, "Your day will come!"  All I can muster to that is, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…bite me!”  I just found out my neighbor is pregnant yet again and all I can muster right now is, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…bite me!” 
As I sit here mulling over my situation and that empty room upstairs I can’t help but feel as if I am being punished once again.  I wonder if we are not meant to have that biological child and I am just ignoring all the signs.  Let’s review:  uterine cancer, four surgeries, nine biopsies, years of hormone injections, one chemical pregnancy, two miscarriages, 7 IUIs, one IVF, one FET, and thousands and thousands of dollars…no baby!  Am I seriously just that dense?
I accept that these are the cards I am being dealt…really, what other choice do I have?  I have done
everything possible to make these babies stick.  I have listened to the doctor, I have lost weight, I have taken all my medications like I was instructed, I have tried acupuncture, I have tried bed rest, I have cut out all caffeine; you name it and I have done it.  There is nothing I can do to change things.  At least that is what I keep telling myself.  The problem is that the only thing that keeps popping back into my head when I try and comfort myself is, “Yeah, yeah, yeah…bite me!” 

7 comments:

  1. Great post hun! IF is so hard. Hugs.

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  2. Ha...funny, right now I just want to say ef off!

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  3. I almost spit out my cheerios when I read this!!!! I absolutely love it!

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  4. Fab post Hun! Totally understand you!

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  5. "no nothing" recommend -you tubing it to cheer you up

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  6. Your blog is such an inspiration to anyone who reads it. Keeping you in my prayers! :)

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