Monday, November 19, 2012

Who Wants to Have a Baby?

I can remember as a little girl having this Cabbage Patch Kid named Bev Molly (no I didn’t name her) that I just adored.  I loved the fact that she smelled like a new born baby.  Every day I would diaper her, change her clothes, feed her and put her down to “nap”.  I was playing at being a mom, but it was from that moment I believe my desires to become a mother started.  That desire has grown leaps and bounds over the years and to this day there is nothing I want more in this world than to be a mother! 
I was sitting here thinking about how creating a baby seems more like childhood games than it does reality.  What seems like such a natural progression of events I have learned is difficult for more couples than I could have ever imagined.  Sometimes it seems like conceiving a child is like playing a game of Russian Roulette.  You spin, you shoot and hope and pray one of those millions of sperm meets with one of those eggs and a baby is created.   Or maybe it is like “Operation” where you carefully gather one sperm and insert it into a single egg with such precision and skill in hopes that an embryo develops.
Over the last several years our personal attempts to conceive have been more like a game than our lives.  I’ve decided to call it “Who Wants to Have a Baby?”, the exciting game of possible parenthood, losses, heartache and financial overload.  Picture it like a giant board game.  You roll the dice and draw a card.  You have 3 mature follicles go ahead 2 spaces.  Awe…your IVF ended in a chemical pregnancy go back 4 spaces.  You have a ruptured ovarian cyst skip a turn.  Just when we think that we have the game beat we draw some tragic card and get sent back to start.  It’s like a game that never ends and I shudder to think about what it means to “lose”!  I continue to have faith that we will win this game and have the most amazing prize at the end, but sometimes this game just sucks!

4 comments:

  1. Oh Hun, I totally get this.

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  2. I completely understand that feeling. Especially with my IVFs!!!

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  3. I just found your blog. Thanks for being so honest and being an encouragement!

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  4. Ha this is so true! Praying for you!

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C