I can remember as a little girl having this Cabbage Patch Kid named Bev Molly (no I didn’t name her) that I just adored. I loved the fact that she smelled like a new born baby. Every day I would diaper her, change her clothes, feed her and put her down to “nap”. I was playing at being a mom, but it was from that moment I believe my desires to become a mother started. That desire has grown leaps and bounds over the years and to this day there is nothing I want more in this world than to be a mother!
I was sitting here thinking about how creating a baby seems more like childhood games than it does reality. What seems like such a natural progression of events I have learned is difficult for more couples than I could have ever imagined. Sometimes it seems like conceiving a child is like playing a game of Russian Roulette. You spin, you shoot and hope and pray one of those millions of sperm meets with one of those eggs and a baby is created. Or maybe it is like “Operation” where you carefully gather one sperm and insert it into a single egg with such precision and skill in hopes that an embryo develops.
Over the last several years our personal attempts to conceive have been more like a game than our lives. I’ve decided to call it “Who Wants to Have a Baby?”, the exciting game of possible parenthood, losses, heartache and financial overload. Picture it like a giant board game. You roll the dice and draw a card. You have 3 mature follicles go ahead 2 spaces. Awe…your IVF ended in a chemical pregnancy go back 4 spaces. You have a ruptured ovarian cyst skip a turn. Just when we think that we have the game beat we draw some tragic card and get sent back to start. It’s like a game that never ends and I shudder to think about what it means to “lose”! I continue to have faith that we will win this game and have the most amazing prize at the end, but sometimes this game just sucks!