Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Case of Miscommunication!

As an infertile I am sure at some point in your journey you have stopped to wonder what it would be like to be childless.  You have wondered what it would be like to go the rest of your life never getting pregnant, never becoming a mother and living alone just you and your husband.  I know I have and that was a hard image for me to get out of my head.  I love my husband dearly and am very happy with him, but I can’t imagine my life without children.  I have wanted to be a mother since I was 15 years old and that desire is so deeply imbedded in me that I have to be a mother!!!

G wants children as much as I do, but he has made it perfectly clear that if we never have children he knows that he would still be happy with just me.  I have really struggled with that statement and have felt guilty because even though I love G and am happy with him…I still want children.  Being childless has always been a fear of mine, but now I had this guilt that my husband would think he was not enough.   We spent a lot of time talking about it with each other over the last several months and realized that the problem was miscommunication. 

As I am sure infertiles can attest, infertility is riddled with miscommunication.  We have been guilty of this several times on our journey and have really had to work at making ourselves clear to prevent needless heartache down the road.  With the help of Dr. M we were able to talk about G’s statement and I have realized that he does not feel like I love him any less because I want children.  We have different goals and desires that complete us and for me it is to be a mother and G understands this.

I encourage anyone on this journey to take the time with your spouse and communicate your desires, wants and needs to each other.  Make sure you are clear and if issues arise talk about them because a lot of times it is just a matter of miscommunication.  If you are unable to resolve your issues or find a way to communicate effectively I would suggest seeing a counselor who specializes in infertility to help.  Infertility is stressful enough without putting undue strain on your marriage!

4 comments:

  1. Oh DH and I have totally been victims of this. I don't know why he doesn't know what I mean! :)

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  2. Infertility is so stressful for sure. We have had many "communication" problems during our TTC.

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  3. This is so true. My marriage almost imploded because of our infertility. I believe in the counseling too.

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C