You would be amazed at just how often child rearing is the central topic of conversation among adults. The ladies room has become a sanctuary for me over the last several years. It is one of the easiest ways to excuse myself from the “normal” adult chit chat which typically includes talk of babies and the adorable things that toddlers do. I can easily sneak out of church service when it’s time for the children’s sermon to “use the rest room”. I can fake an eyelash in my eye and run to check on it when someone shows up at a social event with a new baby. My phone will mysteriously vibrate with an urgent call when it is my turn to talk about children or my lack of. I have even pulled the “I forgot something in my car” trick to get out of an uncomfortable situation. I have become quite the escape artist when it comes to avoiding those triggers.
I never thought there would be a day that I ran out of places to run and hide from my infertility until last week. It was Halloween and I was riding the elevator up to my office with several women when I was hit head on. “Are you taking your children trick-or-treating?” I was trapped like a mouse on one of those sticky traps; fidgeting and trying desperately to get away. I slowly scooted to the back of the elevator looking at the floor avoiding eye contact until it became my turn to answer. Just when I could feel those tears welling up in my eyes…Ding, we were on my floor. I almost knocked down three people just to get out of the elevator before I had to answer.
No matter how hard I try I cannot seem to hide from my infertility. Just when I think I have dodged a bullet my shield is punctured and it all comes flooding back in. I wish that infertility had an easy fix. I wish I could take a magic pill and have the family I have been yearning for. Sadly even those procedures with the highest odds don’t have a guarantee that we will be able to have that biological child. I guess for now I will continue to hope, pray, persevere and keep dodging those bullets best I can.