Monday, November 12, 2012

Gender Selection

This topic has been a common thread from other infertiles and I wasn't really moved to write about this topic until recently when I had my own experience.

I was talking to someone the other day and learned that they were expecting a baby, for the 3rd time.  I was genuinely happy for her until she spouted out, “We really hope it’s a boy because we already have two girls and we want a son now.”  Uhm…ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  This just mildly annoyed me; not really enough to write about it until this week.

I was reading through several online pages and they were all blowing up in response to an episode of the Ricki Lake Show about infertility.  First comments were positive and thankful that she was dealing with a topic that has long since been considered taboo and bringing awareness to a growing epidemic.  From what I gathered as the show went on the comments began to turn from praise to rage.  You know me, I had to see what the big deal was.  As I read on I found the trigger..."Designing Babies".  "Designer Babies" refers to a baby whose genetic makeup has been artificially selected by genetic engineering combined with In Vitro Fertilization to ensure the presence or absence of particular genes or characteristics.  The couple they showed had 3 boys and wanted a girl this time.  I paused as I read this.  Going through IVF and genetic testing just to choose the sex of your child.  I didn't even realize this was an option.  As someone who has been through the entire gamut of fertility treatments including IVF and not having a successful pregnancy yet I was floored.  I can't even begin to imagine having 3 children already and going through IVF just to balance the family.

I could totally understand why the feeds were exploding with negative comments.  We as infertiles want children so badly we could care less whether it's a boy, girl, black, white or Asian. (Well G may have a problem if I was to deliver a baby that was black or Asian...there would be some serious explaining to do)  We don’t have a preference at all.  OK, that is not true we do have a preference…A HEALTHY BABY!!!!  Call me selfish, but that's what I want.

I truly believe that people mean no malice with the things they say; really they don’t think about it because they have not experienced it.  Infertility is one of those things talked about so little that people don’t really understand what it is like for those suffering with infertility or miscarriage.  Your pregnancy and baby are truly a blessing and not everyone gets to have that experience!  


  1. WOW...I didn't even know that was possible either. Having had 2 IVFs myself I can not imagine putting myself through all of that just to have a specific sex!!!

  2. I had this same thing the other day. She was sad that she was having a boy and not a girl!!!! Could not even believe it!

  3. I saw that episode. It was nice to see them talking and bringing awareness about infertility, but the designing the baby thing was really too much. They also did one on adoption that was kind of the same thing. They showed the good and brought awareness, but then told this heartbreaking story about an adoption horror story. I guess they do the sensational too so they can have good TV. Glad you wrote about this. Hang in there! I know you will have a baby soon!!!

  4. Your blog is great! I love how honest you are!

  5. This really made me think. We are trying to conceive our 3rd baby as well and also have two girls. I would be lying if I told you "I hope it's a boy if we get pregnant" hasn't escaped my lips. Getting pregnant hasn't been as easy this go-round. It reminds me to be thankful for whatever God wants to give us. And that includes the two blessings we already have. Thanks for reminding me of that.


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