Wednesday, November 28, 2012


Have you ever had those times where you feel like a failure when it comes to your life?  I am sure most everyone has had those feelings at one point or another.  I think those struggling with infertility have felt it a little more than others.  I am currently in that frame of mind.  No, I don’t like it and yes, I know that it is not all reality, but the feelings are there nonetheless.

Today I am overwhelmed with the holidays and what that means.  They often revolve around family and friends which brings reality to the fact that we are still a family of two.  I realized that I would have been over 5 months along had I not miscarried in July which is really amplifying those feelings of failure.  I struggle with hormone induced depression while going through treatments and this week just happens to be the hormonal overload.  These are the things where I feel like I am a failure.

  1. Making G a father.
  2. Making our parents grandparents.
  3. Keeping the weight off; which seems to be much harder when you are struggling with keeping sane and warding off infertility depression.
  4. Keeping up my exercise routine.
  5. Being a good friend and keeping in touch with those I love.
  6. Keeping my house in some semblance of order.
  7. Being a good daughter by keeping in touch or visiting my mom more.
  8. Being the wife I was before this roller coaster!
  9. My body is broken!
  10. HAVING A BABY!!!!
Knowing that I can get pregnant, but have not been able to carry that baby to term is very hard and makes me feel like my body is failing.  Really I want to scream, cry and run away from this life sometimes.  The fears of the cancer returning, the struggles of infertility, the lost babies are sometimes more than I feel like I can handle!  I am trying to make things right, I am trying to be the person I want to be, but sometimes I think I am failing at this life!!!

Wow...Pity Party for One, huh!


  1. Oh Hun, you are not failing. It's just taking longer than you thought it would. I think we have all felt like you at some point during our infertility. Still praying!

  2. I don't know what it is about your posts, but you really touch me and I just appreciate that you are so honest. I hope that you get your BFP keeper very soon!

  3. You are not failing at all you are just taking your time! Baby dust!

  4. Its not failing its just not now. Hopefully this next time will be the one!

  5. So praying for you!


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