Monday, October 29, 2012

Walk a Mile…

There’s an old adage, "Don’t judge until you have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes."  I can’t think of anything that saying applies to better than infertility.  Often infertiles are told at some point during their journey "You should just move on."  Same goes for miscarriages…"Don’t you think that you have been grieving long enough?"  Though these statements are meant to be helpful they are really just minimizing their feelings.  

No one can tell a person when they are done mourning.  Would you tell someone who lost a grandparent after two months that they need to move on?  For a woman, the sting of infertility will last long after she passes through this phase, whether she goes on to have children or not.  A death is a death, whether it is a physical loss like a miscarriage or the loss of a dream like infertility.  They are still losses and couples need to go through the stages of grief before they can move on.  There is no “time limit” on how long that grieving takes.

I don’t think that you truly ever get over a loss.  There will always be triggers that bring back those emotions during different times in our lives.  We learn to cope and eventually those feelings will lessen so we can live our lives, but you never truly forget!  I know that I will always remember those little ones that we lost and they will always be a part of me.  

October is "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month".  I encourage you to just love and support your friends or loved ones who are on this journey and don't try and move them faster than they are ready to go in their healing process!!!

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