I want to be faithful and I want to live as though I am going to have a biological child, but quite honestly there are days that I am not so sure. Faith is one of those things that I think a lot of people struggle with, especially when things are not going as they had hoped.
We recently heard a podcast by Joel Osteen where he says that we are to live our lives in faith, act as if it is so and if we do we will be given double. We have tried to do this over the years. We have a nursery that is painted (which is difficult since it is still empty), we have names picked out from our past miscarriages and we plan events around my possibly being pregnant. However, believing that I will conceive again and carry that baby term still seems like a fantasy.
This past week has been a little difficult for me when it comes to keeping that hope and faith, largely in part to my hormone induced personality disorder. Regardless of why I have these feelings I do and it's truly a struggle. Thankfully I have an amazing man by my side and he has enough faith for both of us during those times mine is low.
Today G came home with a “surprise” for me. You see when I first got pregnant we found this adorable onesie that was perfect for us…It says “Made with Love and Science.” We were going to buy it the first time I got pregnant but decided to wait until after our first trimester. The 2nd time I got pregnant we were going to buy it and they were sold out. So this past week he was notified that it was in stock. He went back and forth about whether or not to buy this gift for me. Finally he decided to go out on faith and get it. I just love that he is able to keep the faith when I am weak!