Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Hormone Induced Personality Disorder

We are in the 2 week wait now and I am in the middle of hormonal mood swings.  Any woman who has experienced infertility and used ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) knows the joys involved with taking fertility medications.  Hormone induced personality disorder (My terminology, not the doctor’s) is one of the most prominent side effects of ART.  At least for me it is.

I don’t think people really understand what the side effects are of the medications involved with treating infertility.  Side effects include: hot flashes, bloating/abdominal discomfort, mood swings, nausea, dizziness, headaches and breast tenderness.   It’s really no wonder women become “Hormonal Messes!”  Of course not all women experience all of these symptoms, but any of these symptoms is enough to cause the obsessive craziness to occur. 

It’s amazing to me how quickly my mood can change during this time.  One night I was relaxing with G and was perfectly fine.  I got up to take something upstairs and when I came back down G was greeted with a hormonal outburst.  I had seen a figurine that was my grandmothers which made me think of her and how much I missed her…normal, right?  Sure, but then that escalated into sobbing that my children will never know her!  This then turned into guilt that it was my fault that she will never meet them.  Had I not struggled with cancer and infertility then they would get to know the woman that I loved so dearly and was such a big part of my life.  10 minutes later…I was just peachy again!

I have to think my favorite hormonal outburst happened at Cinebistro.  G decided to take my mind off of the miscarriage and our infertility.  He was going to take me somewhere where no children were allowed; I could watch a movie and forget about things.  This was a fantastic idea to me, until we got to the theater.  We were shown to our seats where I promptly realized that there was a pregnant woman to my right, my left and directly in front of me.  Needless to say I start to sob silently to myself trying to pull myself together when the server came around to get our order.  Someone had told me that they have the best chips and guacamole there, which is one of my favorite things.  I tell the server all I wanted was chips and guacamole for my dinner and she says, “I’m sorry, we just took that off of our menu.”  I literally burst into tears as my husband quickly tried to comfort me.   Freaked out and unsure what to do the server says, “Uhm...we still have all the ingredients in the restaurant to make it so I will see if I can have the chef make you an order.”

As I sit here typing this now I am just laughing at how ridiculous my response was.  The sad part is I couldn’t control it.  So if you ever come across me sitting on a bench crying for no reason, just give me a hug and know that I will be OK shortly!  :)

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