Friday, September 28, 2012

Amuck, Amuck, Amuck!

Every cycle without fail I inevitably have a moment, hour or a day of complete breakdown or freaking out.  Funny the majority of them seem to come during the two week wait of hell!  Well, that’s where I am right now.  I usually am pretty hopeful and upbeat the day of the insemination/transfer through the first week, but it appears that my hormones and emotions have run amuck far earlier this cycle than in the past!  I feel physically and emotionally battered.

For some reason I have been questioning this cycle from the beginning. I don’t know if it is the limited tries, the hormones or the fears, but I do know that it makes for one very “crazy” Chrissy!  (No laughing from the peanut gallery)  I was trying to figure out what it was that has made me feel less optimistic and then it hit me as to what it was…I did a recap of our infertility journey.   I don’t really know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing, but for some reason I actually sat down and counted all the tries that we have had over the last four years.  Needless to say it did not exactly put me in the best frame of mind!!!

Dr. L, knowing that I was down, did everything he could to reassure me that this is a good cycle and my chances of conceiving are very good.  It did put my mind at ease for a while, but once again…damn hormones!!!  The hardest thing to deal with during these cycles is the feeling that you have zero control over ANYTHING. I continue to pray for strength and patience as we ride out this journey and trust that no matter what happens G & I will have our family one day soon!  

1 comment:

  1. Hang in there you guys! We are praying so hard for you!!! <3

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C