Sunday, August 26, 2012

Why are you waiting so long to start a family?

This was another suggestion from a dear friend of what to write. It is one of those questions that can hit harder than you realize.

Children or the lack there of seems to be the “go-to” question for people when they first meet someone.  Are you married?  Do you have kids?  These seem like such harmless questions but they can be triggers for couples going through infertility.  I think for a lot of us we have become accustomed to the precursor questions.  Do you have kids tends to lead to more in depth probing questions like “Why are you waiting so long to start a family?”  That question seems to hit a little harder for me than the first.  It is just a reminder of all the struggles we have gone through over the years and that there is still no little bundle of joy to show for it.

I know that G and I were just as guilty as anyone else over the years when it came to those icebreaker questions.  I can remember asking one of my now dearest friends, before I knew that they had fertility issues, if she had kids…and of course followed it up with “Why Not?”  I was mortified as we grew closer to learn that she was experiencing infertility and those feelings were more than doubled when G and I realized that we were infertile.

I can tell you for sure that having experienced infertility and the pain of all the probing questions that I will never use those “go-to icebreakers” again!

1 comment:

  1. Hi Chrissy, this one really stands out for me, and I'm glad you touched on it. During our years of trying to start a family, it was perhaps the single most hurtful question, perhaps because it seemed to be loaded with judgement, e.g, you must be "postponing", and it had to be because of selfish reasons, etc., as opposed to the simple possibility that we had been trying desperately, tearfully, and unfruitfully for so long. Just because it didn't always show on our faces in public, didn't mean we weren't in private agony. Yet our ages and lack of children and the fact that we appeared to be at peace, seemed to invite these types of questions, esp. from our own family. One day, all these tears you have shed will be wiped away. I pray you and G are blessed with many children, and the sooner the better!!

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