Friday, August 17, 2012

My Friend’s Boyfriend’s Cousin Almost Died...

Why on earth do people feel that it is important to tell me that your friend’s boyfriend’s cousin almost died while going through fertility treatments?  Yes, that is very helpful to tell me a terrifying story about a freak incident that someone had while going through the same procedures as me!  There is literally a list of things that people should never say to someone experiencing infertility or miscarriage. 
Here's My Top 10:
  1. God has a plan. – Unless you are privy to the inner workings of God’s plan I do not need to be reminded of his plans for my life.
  2. Just relax and you will get pregnant. – Though relaxation is important during treatments for your own sanity it is not the reason that a woman is infertile!  Besides, she might just punch you!
  3. Why don’t you just adopt? – Because adoption is not like going to Target and just “buying” a baby.  As anyone who has adopted or is going through the process now can attest the stresses involved with adoption are just as great as infertility. 
  4. How much is this costing you? – Uhm…none of your damn business!  Oh, wait, are you offering to pay for it?  No, then yeah, none of your damn business!
  5. Pregnant yet? Where are you in the process? – If and when she is ready to tell you she will.  Your continued asking is not helpful to an already stressful situation.
  6. It could be worse – Really?  How do you know?  For a couple who wants children there is nothing worse and to be fair you don’t know exactly what they have been through.
  7. Are you sure you chose the best doctor? – Unless your opinion is asked for…do not question their choice of medical team.
  8. Think of all the fun things you can do without children. – If they didn’t really want children do you really think they would be spending all their time and money on trying to have a child?
  9. When my friend couldn’t get pregnant… – No one wants to hear what worked for other people or what you read on the internet.  Everyone’s situation is unique and theirs alone!
  10. Don’t you think you’ve done enough? – A couple experiencing infertility or a loss will determine on their own (or perhaps with the help of a medical professional) when enough is enough!
So what’s left to do and say? Plenty! A note that you’re thinking of them, a shoulder to cry on and an open supportive ear (when they are ready) go a long way.  The bottom line is that nothing you say or do can fix it or make better.

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